come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
