i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just high enough for therapy.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
