We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
