After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
