hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
