you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just pee around me
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
