hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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