At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
