No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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