you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
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