I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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