my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
