An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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