I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
