I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
