i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
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Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
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You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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