And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS