Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.