I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Rumble strips road head = magical
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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