Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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