the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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