if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
what day is it and did you see me today?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
