I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
