It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
