I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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