So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
