You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
