i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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