My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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