Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
