just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
