Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Even my vagina gasped.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
