between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
