dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
