Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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