So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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