Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
