made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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