drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
