I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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