I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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