I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
