I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
