shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
