You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
