R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
