this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
did you just send me my own nude
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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