Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
