apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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