I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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