Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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