1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
