she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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