i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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