Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
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