Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
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officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
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Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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