I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
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