The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
