I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
