Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
