3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
In America we eat man semen.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
