And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The beer is more important than you right now.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
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So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We just shotgunned beers for America
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
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I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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