i jhust puked up my retainher.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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