Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
