Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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