The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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