I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
