Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so that wasnt chicken after all
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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