I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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