Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
