so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
