two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
